Words from Kirsty Wiser January 2016 I   can’t   quite   believe   over   a   year   has   passed   already   and   here   we   are   in   2016.      With   the   support   of   my   committee   I   am   proud   to continue as Chair of Derby Sands for another year. 2015   saw   us   welcome   many   new   members,   which   is   great   in   so   far   that   awareness   of   Derby   Sands   is   high   and   our   support   is reaching those bereaved families in need but it is so heartbreaking to know that more babies lives have been lost.  Our   support   meetings   continue   at   Bank   Bar   who   so   kindly   provide   their   function   room   free   of   charge   to   Derby   Sands.      Meetings will   continue   at   Bank   Bar   throughout   2016.      Thank   you   to   our   befrienders,   Lou,   Kelly,   Betty,   Lesley,   Gabi,   Kate   and   Kim   who   help at meetings and well done to Kelly and Lesley who completed their advanced befriender training in November. In   September   we   held   our   first   Derby   Sands   Butterfly   Ball   which   was   a   fantastic   evening   and   raised   around   £3,500.      Charles Hanson   took   care   of   our   auction   which   was   very   well   received   and   feedback   has   been   extremely   positive.      We   will   not   be   having   a ball this year but may do so in 2017 depending on interest and capacity of our committee members.  Derby   Sands   were   chosen   as   the   beneficiary   of   the   Derby   Hospital’s   Choir   Concert   which   was   held   in   December.      The   event   has raised   a   substantial   amount   of   money   (exact   figure   to   be   confirmed)   which   will   go   towards   extending   our   memorial   garden   (more detail below).  Our sincere gratitude to the Derby Hospital’s Choir for their support. Our   plans   for   the   memorial   garden   are   to   extend   the   garden   with   a   Butterfly   Sculpture   created   by   Rachel   Carter.      Work   is   well way   and   our   butterfly   will   reside   at   Trowell   Garden   Centre   until   March   whilst   Rachel   works   on   it   most   weekdays.      It   really   is stunning   and   I   can’t   wait   to   see   it   in   the   garden.      Louisa   Evans,   our   memorial   coordinator   is   very   busy   managing   this   project   and   I would   like   to   just   take   this   opportunity   to   thank   Lou   for   her   dedication   to   the   garden   and   also   for   her   support   and   advice throughout the year. Throughout   2015   our   garden   was   lovingly   cared   for   by   Dave   Chapman   and   we   are   so   grateful   for   his   help   and   support.      Dave   also worked tirelessly helping set up for our Christmas event in the garden.  Thank you Dave. Our   Christmas   event   in   the   garden   was   heartbreakingly   beautiful.      Many   families   attended   to   place   baubles   on   the   trees,   have   a hot drink and chat to our befrienders.  This is an event that we would like to repeat in years to come, all being well. We   continue   to   work   closely   with   the   Royal   Derby   Hospital   and   Sue   Rucklidge,   Bereavement   Midwife.      Recently   Derby   Sands supported   the   gynae   ward   209   by   providing   a   cuddle   cot   and   funding   towards   the   refurbishment   of   two   rooms   for   the   care   of bereaved families. Our   committee   has   seen   some   changes   and   we   welcomed   a   new   committee   member   Kate   Ives   in   November.      I’d   like   to   thank   all committee   members   and   helpers,   past   and   present,   for   their   help   and   support:   I   would   not   be   able   to   fulfil   my   role   as   Chair without you so thank you very much.  Our   plans   for   the   coming   year   are   to   focus   on   our   support   meetings   and   continue   to   provide   emotional   support   and   understanding to   bereaved   families   in   Derbyshire,   to   continue   our   work   with   the   hospital   and   bereavement   team   and   to   continue   to   raise awareness of baby loss.  Wishing   you   all   a   gentle   year   ahead,   I   hope   you   can   find   a   small   comfort   by   being   in   the   presence   of   people   who   truly   understand.     xxxxxxx Words from Kirsty On behalf of Derby Sands I would like to start by saying a huge thank you to Louisa Evans for the amazing work she has undertaken in the three and a half years she has been Chair of Derby Sands.  Louisa has achieved a tremendous amount in that time and we are all so very grateful for her hard work. Put simply, words are just not enough. Louisa   was   instrumental   in   the   creation   of   the   Derby   Sands   baby   memorial   garden   at   Markeaton   Crematorium,   a   beautiful   and fitting   memorial   for   our   precious   babies   which   I   know   is   –   and   will   be   -   appreciated   by   so   many   bereaved   families.     Thank   you   Lou for   this   precious   space   to   remember   our   babies   and   for   continuing   to   be   our   memorial   garden   co-ordinator   during   the   forthcoming years. Sadly,   the   Derby   Sands   group   has   many   members   and   it   is   down   to   Louisa’s   tireless   work   raising   the   profile   of   Derby   Sands   that   the group   has   been   able   to   provide   support   to   so   many   bereaved   families.      I   am   proud   to   be   involved   with   such   an   active   and supportive group and I am honoured to be taking over from Louisa as Chair at the end of November 2014.  Kirsty Wiser (left) and Lou Evans After   James,   our   second   baby,   was   stillborn   in   2012,   I   become   directly   involved   with   Derby   Sands   in   January   2014.      Louisa   has been   an   inspiration   to   me   from   the   very   start   and   if   I   can   fulfil   half   of   what   she   has   achieved   in   her   time   as   Chair   I   will   be immensely   proud.      I   am   passionate   about   supporting   bereaved   parents   from   Derbyshire   and   surrounding   counties   and   hope   I   can continue   the   fantastic   work   of   Derby   Sands   and   with   our   team   of   befrienders,   provide   the   understanding,   empathy   and   support that parents so desperately need when their precious baby has died. Together   with   the   committee   of   Derby   Sands,   I   will   strive   to   ensure   that   the   care   of   bereaved   parents   in   our   area   continues   by maintaining   close   links   with   the   relevant   staff   at   the   Royal   Derby   Hospital   and   in   the   community.      We   will   provide   our   feedback, support   and   assistance   wherever   required   so   that   together   we   can   help   to   make   the   devastation   of   baby   loss   a   little   more bearable for parents and their families. What   we   do   is   not   by   choice,   we   are   bound   by   our   tragic   loss   and   all   that   I   have   done   so   far   and   will   do   in   the   future   for   Derby Sands is in memory of my beautiful boy James. Kirsty Wiser, November 2014 Words from Lou It   is   with   a   somewhat   heavy   heart   that   I   have   made   the   difficult   decision   to   step   down   from   my   position   as   Chair   and Treasurer   of Derby   Sands   at   our AGM   on   November   26 th    2014,   after   three   and   a   half   years   of   service.      However,   I   am   delighted   to   say   that   I   will hand   over   these   two   roles   to   two   lovely   ladies   who   have   become   very   good   friends,   who   are   just   as   devoted   to   Derby   Sands   as   I am, and who are more than capable of fulfilling their roles. Kirsty   Wiser   will   take   over   as   Chair   of   our   group   and   Lesley   Boreham   will   fulfil   the   role   of   treasurer   with   the   assistance   of   her husband Mike. Kirsty   and   Lesley   will   be   supported   by   an   amazing   committee   of   15   additional   Derby   Sands   members,   including   myself,   and   I   have no doubts whatsoever that our group will continue to grow, thrive and flourish under the guidance of Kirsty. Chairing   Derby   Sands   has   been   an   incredible   personal   achievement   and   I   feel   that   I   have   achieved   all   that   I   set   out   to   and   so much   more.   When   I   took   over   as   Chair   in   2011,   we   had   no   structured   committee   and   I   was   the   only   active   befriender   for   the group.   Over   the   past   four   years   the   group   has   grown   in   size   way   beyond   what   I   ever   anticipated   and   we   have   supported   and assisted   so   many   families   through   our   support   group,   website   /   email   and   over   the   telephone.   Due   to   us   gaining   so   many   devoted, caring and very special members we now have an incredible nine trained Befrienders and a committee of 16!! By   far   my   greatest   achievement   has   been   leading   the   fundraising,   organisation   and   ultimate   opening   of   our   Derby   Sands   Baby Memorial   and   Garden   at   Markeaton   Crematorium. This   has   enabled   us   to   reach   out   to   families   who   lost   their   babies   as   far   back   as the   1940’s   and   has   made   a   real   difference   to   so   many   people’s   lives.   I   am   so   very   proud   of   what   I   and   Derby   Sands   has   achieved and   feel   a   personal   responsibility   towards   the   memorial.   For   this   reason   I   will   continue   to   be   the   named   Derby   Sands   person responsible   for   the   memorial   and   will   continue   to   gather   additional   names   and   run   services   to   add   additional   baby   names   to   the memorial   and   oversee   the   maintenance   and   further   development   of   the   garden   and   memorial.   I   will   also   be   the   named   person who liaises with the staff at Nottingham Road Cemetery and Markeaton Crematorium. I   will   also   continue   to   make   up   and   deliver   memory   boxes   to   the   Royal   Derby   Hospital   as   I   set   up   the   memory   box   scheme   after the   stillbirth   of   my   daughter,   Lauren   in   2009   and   still   very   much   feel   that   I   am   emotionally   attached   to   the   memory   boxes   and therefore feel the need to hold on to the this responsibility for a while longer. After   discussion   with   Kirsty   it   has   been   agreed   that   I   will   continue   to   lead   any   teaching   /   lecturing   roles   that   are   requested   of Derby   Sands   (for   example,   lecturing   to   student   midwives   at   Nottingham   University)   until   Nottingham   Sands   become   fully   re- established and other members of Derby Sands gain more confidence and experience in this area. Over   the   forthcoming   year,   I   foresee   that   Derby   Sands   will   continue   to   grow   in   terms   of   membership   numbers   and   the   number   of families that we support. We pledge to do the following over the next year: continue   to   provide   emotional   support   and   practical   help   to   anyone   affected   by   the   loss   of   a   baby   via   our   monthly   support group,   memorial   services,   email   support,   telephone   support   when   requested   and   one   to   one   support   (dependent   upon availability   of   a   befriender).   We   will   also   continue   to   promote   our   memorial   garden   and   encourage   bereaved   families   to have their baby’s name on our memorial. continue   to   support   the   Royal   Derby   Hospital   in   ensuring   the   very   best   bereavement   care   for   families   who   lose   one   or   more babies   by   providing   memory   boxes   for   every   bereaved   family,   supporting   the   training   of   midwives   who   wish   to   undergo specialised   training   in   bereavement   care,   assisting   with   funding   for   specialised   bereavement   facilities   and   participating   in relevant meetings and teaching sessions. continue   to   raise   awareness   of   baby   loss   and   Sands   through   fundraising   events,   the   media,      and   through   giving   talks   and presentations. We   are   incredibly   lucky   in   that   the   general   public   and   local   community   are   very   generous   in   terms   of   making   donations   and fundraising   for   Derby   Sands   and   we   are   very   privileged   to   have   two   healthy   bank   balances   (one   specifically   reserved   for   funding memory boxes) which will ensure that we can continue the excellent work that we do during 2015. As   Kirsty   and   the   committee   become   more   established   in   their   roles   I   foresee   that   Derby   Sands   will   start   to   organise   some   larger fundraising events, perhaps during 2016, with a view to expanding our memorial garden and funding other new projects. Finally, before I take off my Chair and Treasurers hat, I have to say a few words and personal thank you’s. As I write, it is five years and nine months since I gave birth to my beautiful, silent, baby girl. January 9 th  2009, 12.53am, Room 4, Labour Ward, Derby City Hospital.  It was the very worst, the most painful, darkest day of my 42 years by far. Joining   Derby   Sands   one   month   after   my   loss   changed   my   life   in   countless   ways.   Kate   Stanton,   who   was   chair   of   the   group   at   that time   was   my   inspiration.   She   taught   me   that   believe   it   or   not,   there   are   positives   that   can   come   out   of   such   a   desperately   sad event   as   losing   a   baby   and   that   sometimes,   situations   like   this   can   actually   bring   out   the   very   best   in   people.   Thank   you   Kate,   for being there at just the right time, and for showing me the way. I   have   met   hundreds   of   amazing   families   in   the   last   five   years   who   have   been   through   similar   losses   and   far   worse   and   who,   like me,   have   found   the   strength   to   continue.   Each   and   every   one   of   these   people   has   inspired   me   and   given   me   the   strength   to   get through   each   day   and   move   forward.   I   thank   each   and   every   one   of   you,   from   the   bottom   of   my   heart,   for   the   help   and   support you have given to me, even if you didn’t realise it. But   most   of   all   I   have   to   look   closer   to   home   and   say   thank   you   to   my   wonderful   parents,   husband   Matt,   my   son   Finn   and   close friends.   Thank   you   for   your   patience,   your   understanding,   for   tolerating   me   (the   new   me)   and   for   learning   to   love   and   live   with the   new   me.      I   realise   that   my   commitment   and   devotion   to   Derby   Sands   has   meant   that,   at   times,   I   have   not   been   the   best   wife, mum or daughter that I could have been, but I hope you understand that I did what I did for Lauren, and it has helped me to heal. And   to   you,   my   beautiful   daughter,   Lauren   Maya   Evans,   who   I   so   desperately   longed   for   and   wanted.   I   will   continue   to   love   and miss   you   every   second   of   every   day   until   we   meet   again. Thank   you   for   leading   me   to   Derby   Sands,   for   giving   me   the   strength   and energy   to   help   and   support   so   many   others.   I   can   now   see   that   in   losing   you,   others   have   gained   and   benefited   from   the   help   and support I have been able to offer. Thank you sweetheart, you have taught mummy so much……..sleep tight xxxxxxxxxx Lou Evans, October 24 th  2014 A few words from the Chair, Lou Evans, January 2014 Another year is upon us and sadly we have had more bereaved parents and grandparents than ever attend our support group and email / phone us during the past year. On the positive side, this shows that awareness of Derby Sands is increasing and we are reaching out to support even more bereaved families in Derbyshire and parts of Staffordshire and Nottinghamshire. The Toby Carvery, Nottingham Road, Chaddesden, Derby have very generously allowed us to use their meeting room free of charge for our monthly support group meetings during 2013 and have been very welcoming and kind to us so a huge thank you to all the staff there. We will continue to meet there in 2014. We have worked hard to increase awareness of our charity and held our second successful Derby Sands Awareness Event in Derby Market Place in June 2013. In addition, the Derby Telegraph and The Derbyshire magazine have printed numerous articles relating to Derby Sands which has really helped to spread the word. But mostly, it is the efforts of Derby Sands members and their families and friends who have helped to raise awareness by holding and taking part in some fantastic fundraising events, thank you so very much to all of you. In September 2013, one of our dads, Charles Hanson and a team of his colleagues from the BBC’s Great Antiques Road Trip took part in the Great North Run in Newcastle. They raised a phenomenal amount of money both for Derby and National Sands. The money that they raised for Derby Sands, a fantastic £10,000 has been placed in the Tommy Hanson Memory Box Fund and will ensure that bereaved families on the gynae ward, Labour Ward and Neonatal Unit at the Royal Derby Hospital will receive memory boxes, donated by Derby Sands, for the next four to five years. In addition to Charles’ efforts, many people have donated significant sums of money to Derby Sands in lieu of flowers at their baby’s or other relatives funeral, a very special way to honour a loved one’s memory. There have been several humorous fundraising events including a sponsored head / beard and chest shave and one of our dads and his friends held a barbarian beard month in November. The most exciting news for 2014 is that we have finally reached our target so that work can begin on the Derby Sands “Always Loved Never Forgotten” memorial and garden at Markeaton Crematorium in Derby.  The work is due to be completed in the summer of 2014 and more information regarding the memorial will be posted on our website shortly. I could not successfully run Derby Sands without the help and support of my lovely committee members. In particular I would like to thank Betty, Lorna, Gabi and Sarah who, like myself are trained befrienders and help me to run the meetings and man the help line. I would also like to say a huge thank you to Sue Rucklidge, our Bereavement Specialist Midwife at the Royal Derby Hospital and the midwives for continuing to give outstanding care to our bereaved families. On Jan 9th 2014 it will be five years since my beautiful daughter, Lauren Maya Evans was stillborn. Not a day goes by when I don’t long for her, I love and miss her so very much. We chose not to have another baby as we were lucky to already have our son Finn. But it has given me the greatest pleasure to support many of our members through another pregnancy and share in their happiness when their new baby arrives safely. 2013 has brought several new baby’s to Derby Sands members and more are due in the next few months, proving that there is hope and happiness after the nightmare of baby loss. And for those who are desperately waiting for some positive news after their loss, please don’t ever give up on your hopes and dreams. Lou Evans, Chair of Derby Sands A few words from the Chair, Lou Evans, March 2013 It's hard to believe that almost two years has passed since I took up the position of Chair for Derby Sands. Thanks to the support of my fantastic committee and all the lovely members I feel that together, we have achieved so much in such a short time. Sadly there has been a steady increase of new members joining our support group and many more seeking support via our website and telephone help line. We have welcomed parents and grandparents not only from Derbyshire but also Nottinghamshire and Staffordshire. It is truly heartbreaking to know that so many babies lives are being lost but it is encouraging to know that more and more bereaved families are turning to Derby Sands for support and comfort. After all, no one can truly understand the pain and devastation of baby loss unless they have been through it themselves, and that is what Derby Sands is all about, sharing our experiences and helping, supporting and comforting one another. In December, four of our more established members: Lorna Reeve, Sarah Watson, Betty Clarke and Gabi Stenson attended and passed the Sands Initial Befriender Training course. Well done ladies and I am immensely grateful to you for giving up your time to attend the course and for the help and assistance that you will be giving me in running our meetings and helpline and carrying out one to one visits. Some more positive news, the last two years has seen the birth of many Derby Sands "rainbow babies". The birth of these new babies brings hope to all of us and I am absolutely thrilled for those of you who have had new little ones in the last year or two. Only yesterday I heard that one of our members who lost twins in 2010 is pregnant again after two long years of trying. I am only too aware that many of our members are desperately trying to conceive and at times wonder if they will ever hold another baby. My heart goes out to you and I hope that Derby Sands can support you through this difficult journey. Please don't ever give up on your hopes and dreams. We have worked really hard with fundraising in the past two years and a special mention has to go to Betty Clarke, Frankie's granny who now has the official title of Fundraising Co-ordinator in recognition of her amazing fundraising efforts, and to Lorna Reeve for the thousands of cupcakes and other goodies that she has baked for our fundraising events and meetings. I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has raised funds for Derby Sands and allowed us to continue to fund our memory box scheme, fund midwife and befriender training and allowed us to continue to provide support to so many families. In June 2012 we held our first "Derby Sands Awareness Event" in Derby Market Place, to co-incide with National Sands Awareness Month. We had a fantastic day and as well as raising well over £1000 we had a lot of interest from the general public. We will be holding the event in the same place on June 22nd 2013 from 10am until 3pm so please do come down and support us. Finally, for those who don't know, Derby Sands has an on going project - "The Derby Sands Always Loved Never Forgotten" Memorial. We are aiming to raise approximately £20,000 to fund a memorial sculpture and small memorial garden in Derby. The exact site has not been decided but we are potentially looking at one of the Derby Parks or Markeaton Crematorium. So far we have raised over £10,000 in two years specifically for this project and look set to have our memorial some time in 2015. Once again, a huge thank you to the befrienders and committee members of Derby Sands for all your support and hard work, it is very much appreciated. I will continue to endeavour to do everything within my power to ensure that parents / families receive the best bereavement care possible at the Royal Derby Hospital and to ensure that as many bereaved parents as possible benefit from the support and comfort that Derby Sands has to offer. All I do for Derby Sands I do to keep your memory alive. My beautiful daughter, Lauren Maya Evans, forever loved and desperately missed xxxxx On Wednesday June 8th 2011 Kate Stanton stepped down from her position as Chair of Derby Sands in order to focus on her new role as one of the Trustee's of The Laura Centre Derby. She will still be involved with Derby Sands as a befriender and committee member. Lou Evans was elected as new Chair with immediate effect. I am honoured to have been elected as the chair for Derby Sands and would like to thank all those who have supported me including all the members of Derby Sands and my husband, parents and friends.  Kate Stanton has made a huge difference to the lives of so many parents and their families over the last 6 years, and has been fundamental in the implementation of so many positive changes that have occurred in bereavement care at the Royal Derby Hospital. On behalf of all the past and current members of Derby Sands I would like to say a huge thank you to Kate for all the tireless hours that she has put into her role as chair and befriender and for all that she has achieved for the benefit of others.  I am so grateful that Kate has agreed to continue to be involved with Derby Sands. I first attended Derby Sands in February 2009 after our daughter Lauren Maya was stillborn the month before. The support I received from Kate and the other parents at the group was so desperately needed and was very gratefully received and slowly I have rebuilt my life with Lauren still very much a part of it. I am so proud to be chair for Derby Sands and everything I have already done for the charity  and will continue to do is with Lauren and all the other little babies in my heart and mind. I hope that through our support meetings, this website and our telephone helpline Derby Sands will continue to provide the understanding, empathy and support that parents so desperately need when their precious baby has died. I will continually be looking for ways to improve the level and type of support we provide and aim to encourage more of our established members to train as befrienders. Together with the committee of Derby Sands, I will strive to ensure that the  care  of bereaved parents in Derby continues to improve by maintaining close links with the relevant staff at the Royal Derby Hospital and in the community. We will provide our feedback, support and assistance wherever required so that together we can help to make the devastation of baby loss  a little more bearable for parents and their families.  
Kate Stanton and Lou Evans
Supporting anyone affected by the death of a baby and promoting research to reduce the loss of babies’ lives
Created by Barry Thompson © 2010 - 2017 Derby Sands, all rights reserved
Made with Xara
12 Sept 2017
Charity registration number 299679